&&After All Is Said And Done

"You see you can't just play with people's feelings.
Tell them you love them- and don't mean it.
You'll probably say that it was juvenile.
But I think that I deserve to smile."

See I want to write a poem on how I feel right now. But I can't. I don't know how. Don't even know what to say considering the fact that I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm tired. Tired of life. Tired of love. Jazmine Sullivan said "I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair, but I'm scared of loving you. Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task? Why it won't last? Is that too much to ask? Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us?" It couldn't be said any better. Well I'll cut it here. All I can say is that it was coo while it lasted. Back to the norm right? I just need to go impair my judgement. Bye for now.

Britney Williams

i look at you and i admit to myself that- yeah, it's true
you may very well be at your peak
because you once smelled of potential
but now you reek- of "sell-out" "toogoodtocall" and "full of excuses"
and i've been mis-used and abused by you
fooled by you- dropped picked up and thrown down by you
so if it's cool by you
i'm going to dust myself off and watch as my frankenstein enjoys her 15 minutes of fame
cuz what goes up must come down
and as much as i enjoyed watching you destroy
not only yourself but me as well
i am very much anticipating watching this plane fall
50,000 feet from the sky
nah, i'm not spiteful see
i just wish you'd get your head out the clouds
because you've already missed what living right is all about
i've been searching for a way to say- politely
that you've replaced family and friends
and surrounded yourself with sneakerheads and hypebeasts
contacts, tattoos, and 10deep shirts won't pay for your bills
piercings, mohawks, and thursday night clubbing will not get you a job
i've bent over backwards to put gas in that tank
i did my share of pushin' boats
and smellin' like trees to put them trues on your ass and them j's on your feet
so when you falland you realize there's noone around to pick you up
maybe then you'll learn that i don't do what i do to please everyone else
and because you are my own frankenstein
i've changed and rearranged after taking a better look at myself
so- know that everyone that you've stepped on to get where you're at
is just waiting for the moment that you fall
and hoping that you realize that
you're selfish-ignorant-arrogant&&unthankfuleveryone-
except for me
because i promised you-
almost 3 years ago that i'd always be here if you were ever in need.
but like i said-
i guess change starts with me

Just A Thought

'to the left to the left, if you wanna leave
be my guest- you can step'

so you wanted to try me on for a size
and it wasn't before after you seen me for the first time
in a long time that you realized
that maybe your hand didn't fit so perfectly in mine
and my rugged rudeness followed by the presence of manners
it doesn't throw you off as much anymore does it?

-see the other day, you spoke of how people usually notice when you're upset
and honestly, in all honesty; you made me feel like shit
cuz see, i felt as though you placed me in the same category as all the others
and honestly, in all honesty; those others really don't mean shit
like i said before, they're eyes are ignorant
they see what they want to-

my 'idontgive a fuck' attitude is still here
i still don't give two shits and if people don't like me they can suck my dick
and bandaids still don't heal
there's no bandaid big enough to cover up the scars that you left behind
so even hiding these invisible cuts are out of the question
i loved how we finished eachothers sentences
and how we had more inside jokes than a couple of 10 years
and i actually felt like you meant it when you said noone fit half as much as you and i did
and the random giggles; i miss them a lot
i guess the butterflies just stopped tickling you huh?

we'll live

"i'll live"

no more "30 minutes before it's time to wake up" phone calls
no more texts every other minute
no more agitation due to lost signals and late aim responses
no more butterflies; at least in your case

yeah, you'll live
won't take long to forget right?

"i'll live"

no more writers block
no more 'nothing, neverminds'
no more Giants and weather changes
no more listening to that whiny ass voice; that just happens to be cute to me

yeah, I'll live
but unlike you, I won't forget

chasing pavements

"Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?"

My everyday routines cycle; when it comes to you
Different day, same story
Recycled endings, none of them fairy tale
Still I wait patiently;
but between you and me, I don't really know what it is I'm waiting for
I've gotten the closure that I needed
I was given everything neccessary for me to realize that;
I'm just not your 'princess' charming
I walked through the fire to get to the castle
Hoping you'd let me save you
Instead youlaughed in my face
I wasn't what you were hoping for; this time the frog didn't turn into barbie ken
After you turned me away
Secretly I hid behind the bushes to watch you further
Your beauty amazes me
It's clear to you; every now and then we catch eyes
The way I feel for you is simply not going to change
You see that; as does everyone else
It gets to you and you don't know why
To tell you the truth, neither do I
I'm simply a matter lacking importance
Everytime we lock eyes
I feel your feeling intertwine with mine
And everytime you realize it's happening, you once again pull away
I'm not your 'princess' charming
Today has ended as the past 384 hours of my life have
Just another recycled ending
But I choose not to end the story
In hopes that tomorrow might have the fairy tale ending that i've been longing for

mason ellis delos reyes layug

Today, I looked at him and I told myself that God took his time on every detail
His perfectly round eyes and his curly brown hair; everything is exactly how it's supposed to be
I held his tiny hand in mine and traced over each line our father carved into his palms
As he listened to the sound of my guitar
A smile formed on his precious face
It's a shame that his innocence will slowly begin to fade
As time passes and he ages
Everything that is beautiful now will later become another piece of this not so beautiful world

I held him in my arms as I took a step outside
Everything amazes his beautiful brown eyes
I put him down to walk on his own, and as he fell to the floor
He cried out for me to pick him up and kiss his cuts;
He looked for me to comfort him as what he once seen as beautiful turned on him
I'll continue to cherish these moments that I can hold him close
Because it won't be long before he'll have to get up on his own

As his day came to an end and I put him to sleep,
He smiled one last time before he shut his eyes to rest
One thing I know for sure is that he'll sleep well
Without any worries
I'll shelter him from this chaos as long as possible
This world isn't fit for a king like him

another night of thinking

okay, so I got left with a mouth full of cavities and a tube of Orajel.
so what? -the cookie was soooooo worth it

but these
mixed emotions are uncontrollably getting a hold of me
and, what i thought i could contain within myself is slowly finding a way to bleed through
not only my skin, because skin can easily be hidden,
but has stained onto the clothing on my back for everyone to see
change your clothes- simple solution
but my thoughts of you have a distinct smell that even bleach can't get rid of
and if that isn't enough,
every time we speak my mind refuses to rest and it begins to read every thought
that i think you're having at that very second,
or everything that you're not having
either way i'm restless

i've tried to let go of the butterflies that you regret
but it would be impractical; at least in my eyes
because they see differently than everyone else's
remember, you are the worlds greatest con-artist
it would be pointless to allow people with ignorant sight to see the beauty of these
now wingless creatures
because they would never appreciate the butterfly;
down to the forewings that you've plucked off
because you felt they should have never flown out
and as you left the wings still flapping next to the abdomen
i picked them up to count each and every vein left with no blood to pump through

restless
i don't know how else to put it
lastnight i tried to keep myself from telling you how i felt at that very moment
because i knew that the moment that i did that, you'd end up running away
why do i continue to try and touch something of your essence
when my imperfections will only become part of the tainted scenery in which you stand
my mind is racing
my body is tired
i'm restless
i'll just keep my distance and secretly count the veins on the forewings that you plucked off the butterflies that you unintentionally let escape
and leave my butterflies flying out there to remind you that my feelings haven't faded