another night of thinking

okay, so I got left with a mouth full of cavities and a tube of Orajel.
so what? -the cookie was soooooo worth it

but these
mixed emotions are uncontrollably getting a hold of me
and, what i thought i could contain within myself is slowly finding a way to bleed through
not only my skin, because skin can easily be hidden,
but has stained onto the clothing on my back for everyone to see
change your clothes- simple solution
but my thoughts of you have a distinct smell that even bleach can't get rid of
and if that isn't enough,
every time we speak my mind refuses to rest and it begins to read every thought
that i think you're having at that very second,
or everything that you're not having
either way i'm restless

i've tried to let go of the butterflies that you regret
but it would be impractical; at least in my eyes
because they see differently than everyone else's
remember, you are the worlds greatest con-artist
it would be pointless to allow people with ignorant sight to see the beauty of these
now wingless creatures
because they would never appreciate the butterfly;
down to the forewings that you've plucked off
because you felt they should have never flown out
and as you left the wings still flapping next to the abdomen
i picked them up to count each and every vein left with no blood to pump through

restless
i don't know how else to put it
lastnight i tried to keep myself from telling you how i felt at that very moment
because i knew that the moment that i did that, you'd end up running away
why do i continue to try and touch something of your essence
when my imperfections will only become part of the tainted scenery in which you stand
my mind is racing
my body is tired
i'm restless
i'll just keep my distance and secretly count the veins on the forewings that you plucked off the butterflies that you unintentionally let escape
and leave my butterflies flying out there to remind you that my feelings haven't faded

the world's greatest con-artist

she's refined and redefined the following;
perfection, beauty, and misconception.
she's so much more than what you see
she's the world's greatest con-artist

her smiles are much more than what is visible to your ignorant eyes
while they tell you the simplicities of happiness of the current
they tell me stories
they've spilled her life story; unintentionally of course

her eyes are so much more than what your mind can handle
while they're what you look into while you try and capture the beauty of the moment
they're what I look through to help me realize that while she's smiling, and her eyes are pleasant;
happy
they're really in desperate need of a shoulder to cry on
i would catch every tear with my flawed hands which are not only unworthy of touching her porcelain skin
but are also aware of their imperfections
they are hesitant to touch because of the fear of tainting her beauty

she's gorgeous
she is the world's greatest con-artist

just for fun

gettin this hurt off my chest through this paper and pen is critical
get the words right; never miss a beat
hold nothing back; nothing
that's how I ended up where i'm at now
by holding back nothing
i wish this was something like a nothing
no. not a chance.
you're more than just a pretty girl with good convo
who's good with white sheets with blue lines stained with her ink
i was more than just a girl who made you smile and appreciated you and our
time consumed more than you know
see... if i looked like her it would be a different story wouldn't it?
no. i'm not gorgeous. i'm not even okay.
but my words were genuine; along with my thoughts
these thoughts of you circle me.
i wish you didnt but, you have me surrounded
as much as i want you to stay
i know you can't wait to go
like i said; you're just out of my league
and now what?
i'm left with nothing but a stained piece of paper and a mouth full of cavities

p.s.

i just don't think it's fair how you played those games
because i really was diggin you
i pray that you never feel the way that i feel now
because now i'm left with these cavities
but slowly i'll begin to get these cavities filled
and once they're filled, i'll remember to never again
take a bite of these tempting cookies

cookies

"i think we've got something special
girl you and me, together we'll take over the world
you know i like you
i need you so
so happy i just wanna let everybody know"
-usher

she got me feelin' like the cavity is worth a bite of the cookie
somethin' like a loud secret; the irony of it all is bitter sweet
if she had a dollar for every time she heard the words
"i like you 'cuz you're real"
she'd be rich enough to quit her day job
if i had a dollar for every time i've felt this way about a girl;
and admitted it to her
i'd be living on the streets
'cuz cookies and toothaches come hand in hand
you can't have one and not the other

is this cookie worth the risk of ending up with a cavity?
yes. it is.
yes. she is.

me

"i've got you down to your very breath
and as much as you are deathly afraid of falling yet again
i'm almost as scared as you are;
you intimidate me

the fact that you have more control over my smiles than i do
blows my mind
when we "speak", i can almost imagine the facial expression you're wearing at the very second that you say nothing at all
so you asked the fortune cookie and it told you to ask the egg roll?
well you should have asked the egg roll because i'm sure that it would have helped you reassure yourself
considering the fact that you wanted it to be a secret
like the weather
but i managed to get you to slip into releasing yet another butterfly
and as you slowly begin to let the butterflies fly like they're meant to
i catch them and keep them selfishly
only because the beauty of it all amazes me

amazes me almost as much as the fact that you're you
and i'm me
who would have though right

wait.
nothing.
nevermind.

let's keep it plain and simple
i like you
and as much as you thought it was a secret
i know you like me too
no cockiness at all
it's just that i've got you down to your very breath
and i know you're deathly afraid of falling yet again
but guess what?

nothing.
nevermind.

so how 'bout them Giants?"
-Me

her

"so I wanted to try you on for size
&it turns out
I love how your hand fit perfectly in mine
&what can I say?
I'm simply taken by your rugged rudeness
yet the presence of your manners still throws me off-
in a good way, of course.
Weird how
all the little things I prefer-
are found in you,
down to the dimples&
"Idon'tgiveafuck" attitude.
Even crazier that-
my confidence doesn't phase you;
you know that I'm deathly afraid to get hurt once more...
&that I'm totally aware of these band aids that don't heal-
that simply cover up the scars until the adhesives wear out.
What a silly hopeless attempt,
that you seem to see right through.

Honestly,
in all honesty,
I'm too scared to enjoy how we finish each other's sentences
or be content with the fact that we have more inside jokes
than I have ever had with anyone in my entire life,
cuz I don't wanna push you away like I have the rest.
Although they were coo,
we just didn't fit-
not even half as much as how me & you do.
I've pushed down the butterflies til their wings tickle the crevices of my insides.
Which is why I randomly giggle.

wait.
nothing.
nevermind.

(so when I went to Virgin mobile & asked the fortune cookie if I liked you
it told me to try the egg roll.
Do I like you?)
Hmm...
So how about them Giants?

I'll never admit it.
it'll be our little secret.
Like the change in weather,
&the phone number I call you on
Even though you're all over myspace & away messages.
So I guess I'll let a butterfly or two out with this poem
that I've been holding in for quite some time-
&see how kindly you react to them."
-Her

that hype

she's on that- stomach in your throat
smile more than you've ever had to
couldn't stop even if you wanted to
every word counts
don't sleep 'til your minutes start- hype

they're on that- you're hella cute
i love your writing
girl you got steeze
and damn your realness is amazing- hype

i'm on that- thought i could make it through your nap without calling or texting you and barely made it past the ten minute mark
kinda wanna tell you... nothing... nevermind...
bite my tongue because i'm walking too fast
the complete essence of you amazes me- hype

funny thing about it is that
either way you turn
no one is really on the same level
so please... get on my hype

creators

"i'm stuck in a coma
stuck in a never ending sleep
some day I will wake up
and realize I made up everything"

never wanted to believe i had a problem
so i spoke of you and i spoke of him and i spoke of her; but never of me
putting on everyone else what i see in my own reflection
tensions build as i try to grasp hold of what's left
what's left of my dreams and my love has formed into shattered glass
and i try to keep it in a closed grip
firm and secure
but your lies bleed through the cuts that have formed in these hands
from trying to hold tight but somehow everything just keeps slipping away
like the grains of sand that fall from beneath these creators
no matter how carefully you cup them
somehow it finds a way to seep through
my hands, my creators;
they are full of deceit
don't trust them

dramatis personae

perpetual lies envelop themselves around me
eyes wide open yet i can do all but see
lips steady moving but all that is available for me to express...
are whimpers
as i turn my head i begin to find that what is around me is all too familiar
my fantasies
they are her realities

but who is this dramatis personae?
all that is her is alluring
captivating.
spellbinding.
immeasurably incredulous.
yet there she is.
right in front of me
and still all that i am able to let out is a whimper

the radiance of her smile is enough to light my entire life
she is... for lack of a better word
perfect
so how is it possible that she is breathing the same air
as my imperfections
am i lucky enough to be living in her presence?
would it be too much for me to ask her to look my way?
just a glance
maybe a smile
or a simple but incredible hello?

someone...
please tell me how this is possible.