another night of thinking

okay, so I got left with a mouth full of cavities and a tube of Orajel.
so what? -the cookie was soooooo worth it

but these
mixed emotions are uncontrollably getting a hold of me
and, what i thought i could contain within myself is slowly finding a way to bleed through
not only my skin, because skin can easily be hidden,
but has stained onto the clothing on my back for everyone to see
change your clothes- simple solution
but my thoughts of you have a distinct smell that even bleach can't get rid of
and if that isn't enough,
every time we speak my mind refuses to rest and it begins to read every thought
that i think you're having at that very second,
or everything that you're not having
either way i'm restless

i've tried to let go of the butterflies that you regret
but it would be impractical; at least in my eyes
because they see differently than everyone else's
remember, you are the worlds greatest con-artist
it would be pointless to allow people with ignorant sight to see the beauty of these
now wingless creatures
because they would never appreciate the butterfly;
down to the forewings that you've plucked off
because you felt they should have never flown out
and as you left the wings still flapping next to the abdomen
i picked them up to count each and every vein left with no blood to pump through

restless
i don't know how else to put it
lastnight i tried to keep myself from telling you how i felt at that very moment
because i knew that the moment that i did that, you'd end up running away
why do i continue to try and touch something of your essence
when my imperfections will only become part of the tainted scenery in which you stand
my mind is racing
my body is tired
i'm restless
i'll just keep my distance and secretly count the veins on the forewings that you plucked off the butterflies that you unintentionally let escape
and leave my butterflies flying out there to remind you that my feelings haven't faded